Tango: Elphie
by LostOzian
Summary: Fiyero is drafted by his ex girlfriend to help her set up for a rally...And you can guess who else is there. After As Long As You're Mine, before No Good Deed. Fiyeraba, Gelphie, Elphaboq. Elphie gets everyone! Kind of T plus ish for language and outuendo


**Disclaimer: RENT is not mine. Wicked is not mine. This could be considered my first Gelphie, but I don't intend to make it a habit. I needed a lezzie to make the song work. Enjoyify! -LostOzian.**

* * *

Fiyero hitched the bag higher on his shoulder, barely believing he had agreed to do this. It was the coldest night of winter, and she calls him to a deserted barn in the middle of nowhere to help set up for her Animal Rights rally. Why, by Oz, _why_ did he ever agree to this?

_Because you still love her,_ Fiyero hung his head in shame as he dragged open the barn door. _She_ had moved on; why couldn't he? There was someone else in the barn, trying to assemble a pile of wooden boards into a stage.

_Hang on…_Fiyero strode purposefully into the barn. He knew that person. He knew those curls, that stance, that height…He plucked a large board from her hands, facing her for the first time since he left her.

"Fiyero?!" Glinda squeaked in surprise. Fiyero met her eyes coolly. Figures she would have her _ex _boyfriend here with her _new_ girlfriend.

"Glinda!" Fiyero leaned the board against the barn wall, folding his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Glinda demanded. The two stared at each other in a contest for a minute before they relented at the same time.

"Elphaba asked me to help," they said together, then looked away. This was just _typical_.

"Is this her twisted way of trying to get us to be friends again?" Glinda asked, annoyed. She didn't like it when Elphie surprised her like this. Fiyero raised a finger to his chin in mock thought.

"Hmm, I don't know. You tell me, you're dating her!" Glinda scoffed disgustedly, picking up the board again and laying it across the half-finished stage. Fiyero set down his bag with a crunch of metal pieces. Glinda looked up as Fiyero started unpacking.

"What's that?" Glinda asked in honest confusion. Fiyero met her eyes again.

"Elphaba asked me to bring a _microphone_," Fiyero waggled the mesh metal head at Glinda. She sneered and walked over to the microphone pieces.

"You picked up sarcasm from her." She said. "I'll do that. Mr. Big-Strong-Man can build her a stage." Fiyero glared at her for a second, but relented. It wasn't worth putting up with a hissy Glinda along with the cold and drafts. Minutes passed in silence as Fiyero fulfilled his new role hammering down boards and Glinda assembled and tested the microphone (**…which amazingly already has speakers. Yeah.**) Several ear-splitting feedback squeaks later, Glinda looked back to Fiyero dejectedly.

"Could you help?" She said, treating it more like a statement than a question. Fiyero smirked.

"I'll see what I can do," He said cockily. Glinda glared at him, but let him check out the wires. Elphaba needed a microphone, and they shouldn't be so petty as to fight and not get it done.

"The signals won't delay, but the cables-" Glinda began, but Fiyero cut her off.

"There's another way," He switched a few wires. _Could that blonde do anything for herself?_ He thought, before finally telling her, "Say something. Anything." Glinda walked up to the microphone.

"Test, one, two, _three_!" It squeaked, making the annoying test phrase even harsher. Fiyero winced.

"Anything but _that_." Glinda backed off, looking contemplative.

"This is weird," she said, staring at the opposite wall. Fiyero spared her a glance as he switched three wires around.

"It's weird," Did the blue go over the yellow, or under?

"Very weird," Glinda said, feeling her jealousy for Fiyero rising. His choice had been easy; forsake everything for Elphaba, but Glinda wasn't sure if she could give up her life for a life with her. Fiyero looked up, irritated.

"Fucking _weird_!" he declared, hoping that agreeing with her would make her shut up.

"I'm so mad that I don't know what to do," Fiyero rolled his eyes. Glinda was determined to have a heart-to-heart, apparently. "Fighting a microphone, frozen through to the bone, and to top it all off," Glinda turned back to Fiyero, pointing accusingly. "I'm with you!" Fiyero stood, pride wounded.

"Feel like going insane, got a fire in your brain, and you're thinking of drinking kerosene?" Fiyero listed off his immediate reactions to the fateful night that Elphaba had told him that he might not quite be the only one she loved. Glinda pressed her lips together.

"As a matter of fact-" Glinda was about to finish when Fiyero cut her off again. He had heard enough.

"Darling, I know this act!" He spread his fingers wide like glamorous starbursts, thinking of the beautifully confusifying dance the Wizard had brought with him. "It's called, 'The Tango: Elphie'." Glinda stared. Knowing he was preaching to a dumb blonde, Fiyero enunciated his point with a tango re-edition of The Elphie.

"The Tango: Elphie!" He said, feeling the pain that she would probably never dance with him again. Glinda drew back in disgust. "It's a dark, dizzy spin-me-around!" Glinda tried to walk away, not believing her special relationship with Elphaba was anything like Fiyero's had been. "As she keeps you dangling…" Fiyero remembered lonely nights while she completed some important mission for the good of Oz, hoping for her quick return.

"You're wrong," Glinda said, trying to push similar memories out of her mind.

"Your heart she is mangling!" Fiyero clutched at his chest dramatically. Glinda put her hands on her hips.

"It's different with _me_!" she said angrily, not at all happy Fiyero thought they had anything in common. He persisted, almost getting in her face. He would have, if the concept hadn't been so disgusting to him.

"And you toss and you turn for the way her eyes burn, and you yearn and you churn and rebound!" Glinda froze, remembering sleepless nights without Elphaba by her side. She couldn't deny her relationship was destined to end as Fiyero's had anymore.

"I think I know what you mean," She said slowly. Fiyero nodded understandingly. He _knew_ it.

"The Tango: Elphie," the two said together. Fiyero held up a finger, curious if Glinda was being put through the same willing torture he had.

"Has she ever left you alone to go out…spying," Fiyero knew of many instances where had had been forsaken for information on the Wizard. Either way, so did Glinda.

"Plenty," Glinda hugged her cloak close to her to block out the cold and dread.

"Do your thoughts always dwell on the way she moves?" Fiyero continued. Glinda's eyes widened.

"Please be…joking," she tried to see, but Fiyero could see through it. Compared to Elphaba, Glinda was an open book to read. Glinda turned, wondering if she could describe how Fiyero felt.

"Would you always get lost in her eyes?" Fiyero smirked ruefully. He loved her eyes.

"Every time, so be…cautious," Fiyero warned. Glinda's hands pressed against her stomach sickly.

"Did she bait you with her kisses?" Fiyero rolled his eyes, having already been through it all and forgetting Glinda was experiencing this for the first time.

"More than bait," He said. _Controlled me, practically. And Oz shame me, I'd let her do it again._

"I'm getting…nauseous," Glinda stopped, looking back at Fiyero. A complete conversation taking place between them just with their eyes.

_She wants us to be friends, united by our hated love of Elphaba. _Glinda met his eyes challengingly.

_Our hated love of her, or lovely hate of each other? _Glinda tried to scowl menacingly, but all she managed to do was cruel indifference.

_Oh, you wanna dance? _Fiyero unclipped his cloak and threw it in the corner, letting the cold rush in. _I'm ready._ Glinda followed his example, her own cloak landing in a heap next to his.

_Only if it's the Elphie, seeing as it's _my_ dance now. _Glinda flipped her hair once for good measure, and the dance began.

Step, click step. They grabbed hands, and Glinda spun to face Fiyero. Two steps back, Fiyero leading. Twist-spin into the famous front-facing steps.

"Where'd you learn to tango?" Fiyero asked out of curiosity. It wasn't a very easy dance to learn.

"Elphie taught me, the night after your little party in our dorm room at Shiz." Glinda stopped, leaving the two facing each other in low lunges. "And you?" Fiyero took a deep breath.

"'Elphie' taught me, the night I ran away with her and it got too cold for us to keep-"

"Stop…talking," Glinda said suddenly, beginning the tango in reverse with her leading. Fiyero stumbled through the first few steps, unaccustomed to the female role.

"It's…hard to do this backwards," he said apologetically. Glinda dipped Fiyero, leaving him with mixed feelings about this new side of Glinda. Had he caused it by breaking up with her?

"You should try it in _heels_!" Glinda said, and promptly dropped him. Fiyero felt his head collide with the packed dirt floor, blink at the pain, and found himself back at the OzDust, pairs swirling around him all doing the Elphie. Glinda was there in a rather nice blue dress, offering her hand to help him up. He took it, and quickly fell in step with the other dancers.

_Wait, _Fiyero thought during another repeat of the dance. _If I'm here, and Glinda's here, that that must mean…_ Another spin brought him face to face with Elphaba, looking far sexier than she had ever let herself look in a flowing black dress. She smiled at him for just a moment, before turning back to her partner-

"Boq?!" The two rejected lovers said together, before facing each other in stunned anguish.

"She cheated!" Glinda said incredulously as she performed the motions.

"She cheated," Fiyero watched Elphaba and Boq. She had never danced with him like _that!_ It made his blood boil. Some Munchkins don't have enough sense to deserve to live.

"Elphie _cheated_!" Glinda said, trying to wrap her mind around the concept.

"Fucking cheated!" The dance repeated, bringing Elphaba further away from them.

"I'm defeated, I should give up right now!" Glinda had never looked so depressed before, all because she had been cheated on. Again, Fiyero had been there, knew how it felt.

"Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might," he said as Glinda tried to spin away to her girlfriend.

"I'd fall for her still anyhow!" Glinda pushed Boq aside, starting to Elphie with Elphie herself.

"When you're dancing her dance," Elphaba turned to Fiyero for the second half of the Elphie, leaving Glinda stranded and alone. "You don't stand a chance! Her brand of romance makes you fall!" Both tried to spin with Elphaba in the dance, leaving their backs turned only for Boq to pull her back to him.

"So you think, 'might as well'," Fiyero remembered the feeling of invincibility, like Elphaba and him would be together forever. Psh. Forever…

"That's a tango to hell!" Glinda said. They both made a reach for Elphaba again just as the dance spun her out of their reach.

"At least I'll have tangoed at all!" The two faced each other, trying to ignore the presence of their love in the same room. "The Tango: Elphie!" They adored and detested the dance at the same time. "Gotta dance 'til she says that she's through! You pretend to believe her, 'cause in the end you can't leave her!" They couldn't help looking at Elphaba again, full of shameful rage at their weakness. "But the end, it will come, still, you have to play dumb, til you're numb and you bum and turn blue," They looked at each other, trying to imagine their skin blue the way Elphaba's was green, before turning back to Elphaba.

"Why do we love when she's mean?" Fiyero asked of both Glinda and himself. Elphaba took a little heart-shaped locket out of Boq's jacket pocket, dangling it above his head. Strangely, he seemed to like the little game, reaching for the locket playfully. Glinda felt sick. Er.

"And she can be so obscene…" Boq secured the locked, putting it back in his jacket as Elphaba rewarded him with a long kiss. Boq held out his arm for Elphaba to take, which she did, barely looking at Fiyero and Glinda.

"My Elphie…" The words seemed to echo in the ballroom as Glinda called after Elphaba hopelessly. Fiyero put one hand on her shoulder, feeling his heart breaking all over again the way Glinda's was for the first time.

"The Tango:" They looked back to each other, disturbed by what they had just seen: _Boq_ with _Elphaba_. "Elphie," The tango ended, and everybody else disappeared, leaving Fiyero and Glinda standing alone at the OzDust.

"I'm really sorry I gave you grief," Glinda said, staring at where Boq and Elphaba had stood moments before. Fiyero nodded understandingly, slightly regretful of his attitude. "It's just…I'm pregnant." Fiyero did a double take, feeling like someone had punched him in the stomach. Glinda just stared, slightly sad. "And it's hers." A second punch.

"Huh?" Fiyero gasped. "How…How can a girl get another girl pregnant?!" Glinda looked confused.

"Oh no, she was a man this whole time." Glinda said as if it was obvious. "That's the real reason her, well, his, father hated him. He was thrilled to shreds that he was green. His favorite color was green, but he stopped liking him ever since he started wearing Nessa's clothes and introducing himself as 'the other daughter'." Fiyero merely gaped at her. "That's why I was so angry when you left with her. I had thought she had made you gay." Fiyero stuttered, trying to come up with something that made a scrap of sense.

"And…and Boq?" He pointed to where Boq had left with Elphaba. Glinda shrugged.

"I guess he's gay, too." Fiyero grabbed at his hair, trying to think of details about their nights in the forest. It was all a big blur when he focused on it; all he could remember was that they were together and how much he loved her.

But she was a him.

"I…I didn't know!" he screamed at the ceiling, his voice cracking into a man's falsetto. _Oz, could it be _true

"There's no shame, Fiyero." A deep voice said behind him. Fiyero whipped around to face Collins of RENT, who was randomly at the OzDust, holding a multi-colored flag with a rainbow without indigo on it. "Gay pride forever."

"Who in Oz are you!?" Fiyero demanded, his voice staying in his high register. He clasped at his throat.

"Fiyero…" He blinked. The OzDust was gone, and he was back in the forest. Elphaba was shaking his shoulder gently. "Yero…are you all right?" He looked at her, trying to find some masculine hint in her features. "You were asleep, but you got…fitful," Elphaba caressed his cheek. Fiyero took her hand, not yet trusting his own sexual orientation.

"Can I ask you some stupid questions?" he said. Elphaba blinked, then leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Go ahead," She said softly.

"Can you imagine yourself in love with Glinda?"

"No. Never." Elphaba said shortly. "We're close, but not that close."

"Or with Boq?" Elphaba lifted her head.

"No!" She said. "Even after the end of Oz!"

"And you're not a guy, and I'm not gay?" Elphaba smiled.

"Well, I know I'm a female," Elphaba leaned in before giving him a long, deep kiss. It lasted a long time, both losing sight for a moment of where they ended and their lover began. Finally, they broke for air.

"Did you enjoy that?" Fiyero nodded. It was amazing. "Then you're not gay." She lay back down next to him, watching the stars through the trees. "Why do you ask?"

"Crazified dream," he said. Elphaba traced a little design on his shoulder idly.

"Go back to sleep," she told him, before whispering. "I'll dream of you."

"You don't have to dream, I'm here." Fiyero closed his eyes and went back to sleep.


End file.
